I lost a good friend two years ago. It took at least two decades to nurture our friendship. We lived in the same neighbourhood, attended the same high school and university, and spent quality time in each other’s homes when we were young. So when my mother called and told me about his passing, I felt an overwhelming loss of connection.
“A good friend is a connection to life — a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world,” says author and columnist Lois Wyse. Losing a friend leaves a void. Memories flood in quickly. I still remember his last messages about changing careers. Memories of our time memory live on. I value the power of deep and meaningful friendships.
There is no possession more valuable than a good and faithful friend,” Socrates said.
Romantic relationships are not the only sources of meaning or life satisfaction. We undermine friendships by expecting too little of them. Research suggests there’s more to friendships than we think. “Significant others” mean more. A few quality friends can do wonders for your mental health. Studies have shown that people with strong social ties are happier, healthier, and live longer. “The science of friendship gives you permission to hang out with your friends and call it healthy,” says Lydia Denworth, the author of Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond.
Romantic relationships dominate our culture. Movies, books, and songs glorify them. We believe they hold the key to happiness. They bring joy, intimacy, and companionship. But they are not the only source of fulfilment. We put too much pressure on partners. They cannot be everything to us. We place unrealistic expectations on partners. Your partner cannot fulfil all your needs. Too many expectations of our partners can lead to disappointment and heartbreak.
Romantic love is life-changing but not the only source of a meaningful life. It’s just one piece of a complex puzzle.
True happiness comes from balance. Strong friendships, fulfilling careers, personal growth — these matter too. You can build a richer, more satisfying life if you expand your sources of happiness. Strong friendships can also boost happiness, health, and longevity. In The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center, Rhaina Cohen argues we undermine romantic relationships by expecting too much of them. At the same time, we diminish friendships by expecting too little of them. Friendship deserves equal attention and appreciation.
“A friend is a second self,” Aristotle said.
He thought friendship was not merely a trivial aspect of human interaction but a vital cornerstone for a happy life. In his book Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle said, “Friendship is a thing most necessary to life, since without friends no one would choose to live, though possessed of all other advantages,” he wrote. As Aristotle perceived it, the pinnacle of friendship was what he called “complete” or “perfect” friendship. “Perfect friendship is the friendship of men who are good and alike in excellence; for these wish well alike to each other qua good, and they are good in themselves,” says Aristotle.
He observed there were three types of friendships.
1. Friendship of utility: Colleagues, business partners, or neighbours might fall into this category. You strengthen the bond by the exchange of favours or goals. However, it’s often fragile, as it can dissolve once the mutual benefits cease.
2. Friendship of pleasure: These friendships are built on shared enjoyment and common interests. Friendships formed through hobbies, social gatherings, or shared experiences often fit this category. While enjoyable, these connections tend to be less deep and enduring, as they rely on continuing pleasurable activities.
3. Friendship of virtue: Aristotle observes is the highest form of friendship. It is based on mutual respect, admiration, and shared moral values. Friendships in this category are very close, loyal, and genuine. Such friendships are rare and require time, trust, and shared character.
These categories are not mutually exclusive.
A friendship might exhibit elements of all three types. However, Aristotle’s framework is a valuable lens for understanding the different dynamics and levels of connection in our friendships.
Friendships are more important than we think. Good friends challenge, inspire, and uplift. Great friends know and accept you without judgment. They give you the space you need to just be yourself. I celebrate my successes and failures not just with my family, but with friends. I don’t underestimate the value of simple gestures like a quick phone call or text to say hello.
People appreciate them. The surprise amplifies the appreciation of social courtesy. The simple knowledge that you are thinking on someone can boost their mood. A simple act of kindness is all it takes to appreciate your friends. It strengthens bonds and creates lasting memories. So, don’t hesitate to reach out next time you think of someone. A simple hello can make a world of difference. You can take it a step further.
Online relationships cannot and should not replace real, live, in-person connections.
Make time for a quick meetup if you can. I do this with my friends. We live in different cities, but we do what we can on some weekends to get together and put down our phones. There’s an undeniable magic in shared physical presence. Online relationships can be incredibly supportive and meaningful, but they should complement, not replace, face-to-face interactions. Many friendships simply exist without conscious effort. If we can invest in our social connections, we can make the most of them.
Elevate your friendships to the level of importance they deserve.
Nurture and maintain them through meaningful activities. “Friends who are … parted are not actively friendly, yet have the disposition to be so. For separation does not destroy friendship absolutely, though it prevents its active exercise. If however the absence be prolonged, it seems to cause the friendly feeling itself to be forgotten,” Aristotle noted.
For all the ways the world has changed, the value of genuine human connection is now more important than ever.